Some of my last posts have been more along the lines of practical tips, than the...let's say, 'emotional outlet' format I had been using before I got a job. This diary entry my be a return to the emotional side of things, but we're going to try to use that ̶̶r̶a̶n̶t̶i̶n̶g̶ I mean that letting out of emotion as an informative way to help you deal with some of things I've been facing at work recently.
I won't go into detail because it's not my place to. This story isn't intended as gossip or 'spilling the tea' or anything else you want to label it. I'm only sharing in the hopes that it helps me to come to terms with things and you to find a way forward if you're experiencing anything similar.
Let's start at the beginning.
I started my job mid-September and was placed in a department with 1 other staff member. This is an important part of the story because this staff member, let's call them Ocean, was the only one who knew exactly how our department worked - all the programmes we used and the way we interacted with our clients. Two weeks after I started, another person joined our team - we'll call them Sky. So the three of us were getting along quite nicely, Ocean was training Sky and I up on how to do things and it was going quite well.
Except, just under two weeks later (i.e. four weeks into my employment, and two weeks into Sky's) Ocean left the company. Sky and I had nowhere near the level of training we needed, and though no one could have foreseen Ocean's abrupt departure, their leaving meant everything for our department was on the shoulders of people with a collective six weeks worth of experience.
Can't lie, that was a bit of a stressful period for me.
Skip to a couple of weeks later, somebody has stepped in to manage Sky and I and whilst it's a learning curve, we have a support system.
And then two people in the office tell us their leaving. That's okay - I'll be sad to see them go but that's what happens in life, people move on.
Except then we find out the company is facing a difficult time financially and there's going to be some redundancies. Eight, to be exact.
It might not sound like much, the news shares stories of hundreds being made redundant at a time. But in an office of roughly 45 people, eight makes a difference.
Furthermore, in light of the loss of these eight people, the company loses a lot of skilled employees whose jobs other people now need to be trained in, on top of doing their usual work. And yes, Sky and I have been given some more responsibility. It's great fun.
The point of all this is to say that there doesn't appear to be much stability in my workplace. These things cannot always be predicted, of course. No one could have known this would all happen in the space of two months, after all. But as someone who doesn't like change or deal well with stress, it's been quite the journey for me. (Though nothing, I'm sure, on those who have been made redundant or left the company).
So I want to use this space to talk about how I've reacted, how I'm coping, and how I suggest other people cope with their own unstable environments...hopefully we can all help each other out and offer a little comfort in these ever-changing times.
Keeping My Head Down
My office isn't exactly a place for gossip. It's open plan, it's a small company, and if anyone has a problem with anyone else, it's generally considered the right thing to just tackle it head on.
I'm totally cool with this. I rarely have problems with people anyway so keeping my head down is my tactic in life, not just work.
Considering most people have been there longer than I have and have more reason for being aggrieved by this situation, I've just got on with things. I took out emotion at home, talking to my family about it rather than my colleagues.
Stepping Up
I guess this contradicts the fact I like to keep my head down, but with people leaving it left gaps in the structure of our business. So I've decided to take on more responsibility.
On the one hand, this is very in character for me. I tend to think everything is my responsibility even when it's not (guilt complex say what?). On the other hand, this is new for me. I wouldn't normally volunteer to have to learn a whole new skill just so that my team can depend on me. Don't get me wrong, I love people depending on me. I just like when they depend on my for things like...good listening, comfort, homemade cakes.
I've decided to jump headfirst into this one though. It's a shitty situation, but that doesn't mean it can't also be an opportunity.
Finding a Way to Let the Emotion Out
I've already mentioned that venting to my family has definitely helped, but however you do it, you need to find a way to get out any emotion without doing it at work. Whether you're angry and frustrated, upset, overwhelmed, or everything all at once, you don't want to reach your limit and explode at work.
Obviously being able to talk at work about what's bothering you and finding a way to work through it it super important, but sometimes it's best to take some time, get away from the situation, and not react instantly.
Exercise is great way to get your head into a different space. For a long time I didn't really see yoga as something that would help me, but I have to say it has been so calming when I've had a difficult day at work. To turn up to class and just focus on my body instead of my thoughts has really helped. Whatever form of exercise you usually do will work great, just try to ensure you focus on the workout completely, the more you can let go the better.
(Other hobbies also work great, by the way, anything to get your mind off things).
Remember What Your Role Is
It's super important when something unsettling happens at work to remember exactly what your role is. As employees, it's natural that we get asked to do things outside of our described role, and as humans it's natural that we have an inclination to do those things. Every so often, take stock of what you're doing. Is it part of your described role? Is it something you can do or are you struggling fulfil someone else's job? Do you deserve more reward for taking on the responsibility? Is this even the job you want?
Granted, refusing to do something isn't necessarily possible. With a situation like mine, refusal to take on extra responsibility probably wouldn't have gone down well. But it is important to review your position every so often. Just because you're at work doesn't mean you should be stressed, over-worked, or unhappy.
If any of this is happening, try to talk to someone (your line-manager, HR, someone who will actually effect change after listening to you) about how you feel and why it's not working. More often than not, something can change - you just have to ask.
Conclusion
I don't know if any of this is even useful. It kind of amounts to the old English attitude of just...keep calm and carry on.
This diary entry was as much a reminder to myself as it is advise for other people. Things are going to be okay, if not today, then tomorrow. Talk to your colleagues if things are difficult, and if things really are so overwhelming that you can't cope with it, it might be worth thinking about changing jobs. I recognise that's a luxury not everyone can afford, in which case my best advise is leave work at work. Try your best not to bring the emotional turmoil of your working day home with you and enjoy the time you have off. At the end of the day, a job is a job. It's important to remember that.